PerpetualSlumber

The secret door to my internal struggles. It's a dark battle and it's never going to be won. At least not by me.

The horrible moment when I plan to end it all and leave my eternal misery behind, and then my boss texts me wanting me to work tomorrow. I would really rather not have my entire workplace involved in my depression so somehow I have to get through tonight at least. My life is so painful.

These severe lo…

These severe lows are starting to get the better of me. I’m scared of what they might make me do. I almost got hit by two cars this afternoon because I didn’t look before I crossed. Not because I didn’t think to, but because I didn’t care. I actually hoped that they had hit me. God, I wish that they had. I want to die. I”m not meant for this world.

I feel so vague…

I feel so vague and absent today. I’m completely numb.

I’m so hungry …

I’m so hungry :( Why can’t thin just come to me naturally?

I seem to have …

I seem to have spent my entire day drinking herbal tea and looking at thinspo, instead of working on the pile of assignments that I have due in two days. Go me!

You stupid fat …

You stupid fat fuck!

You’re worthless, unlovable, disgusting! You’re so bloody weak and fat, this is why nobody does or ever will love you. You disgust me. I hate weakness. Your thighs make me want to vomit. Your stomach makes me want to claw my eyes out. Your legs make me want to vomit. Your face makes me want to vomit. You make me want to vomit. You’re gross.

Why are you still alive? Why the hell are you still here? Because you’re weak, that’s why. You’re too weak to grow dangerously thin. You’re too weak to take your own life. You’re too weak to do anything. Weak, weak, weak!

You are disgusting and I hate you!

Everything is g…

Everything is getting so damn difficult now. I can’t stick to doing anything and my internal strength and willpower is dwindling away. I’m just fat, weak, disturbed, alone and gross, and that’s all that I’ll ever be.

Imagine you’r…

Imagine you’re 100 pounds. You wake up and slip on those small jeans with ease. You put on a plain white tank top, it looks amazing. You go into the bathroom, you brush your hair which is long and down to your tiny waist. You decide to just put some lipstick and mascara on because you already look beautiful. You leave your house and as your walking down the street people turn their heads to look at you. That thought is enough thinspo for me to succeed with this.

Wow, I am 99% s…

Wow, I am 99% sure that I just watched my thighs inflate while I ate peanut butter on some rice crackers. Fucking hell!

Recently I’ve …

Recently I’ve been asked by a lot of people to organise diet/health plans so that they can be healthier and lose weight. I’ll happily do it, but I can’t help but feel terrible when I’m giving them these plans that have more than double the amount of calories each day than I would ever dream of eating.

Wow, if they only knew…