PerpetualSlumber

The secret door to my internal struggles. It's a dark battle and it's never going to be won. At least not by me.

Tag: Willpower

Today…

Is definitely going to be a struggle. My family is coming over for a fathers day lunch :/ I think that I’ll be able to handle it and stay strong with my salad, but I always lose it at events like this.

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29th August- Day Two

Wow, I’m feeling so light-headed :/ If I cave before Friday I’m going to be so disappointed in myself.

Stay strong and starve on! I have to keep reminding myself, you don’t get thin and food together. It’s one or the other.

Happy Days

No food today :)

Imagine you’r…

Imagine you’re 100 pounds. You wake up and slip on those small jeans with ease. You put on a plain white tank top, it looks amazing. You go into the bathroom, you brush your hair which is long and down to your tiny waist. You decide to just put some lipstick and mascara on because you already look beautiful. You leave your house and as your walking down the street people turn their heads to look at you. That thought is enough thinspo for me to succeed with this.

Thinspo Quotes

Thinspo Quotes

Temptation

Temptation

Weekend Plans

Writing things on here is somewhat like a contract for me. When I put ideas or instructions down in front of me I find it much easier to stick to then when I just make a mental note.

For that reason I’m typing this out; I’m going to fast today and try my hardest to fast tomorrow and the following day (I have family coming over potentially for dinner, in which case I’ll have to eat something) If it gets to Saturday night or during Sunday and I really have to eat for whatever reason, I will only eat either vegetables or rice cakes. They are the only two foods that I will allow myself to eat. Bones don’t show from eating. Bones show from showing strength and willpower. We want bones.

Past Three Days…

I have consumed a no more than 280 calories each day, plus some moderate exercise on each of those days (Walking the dog, cleaning the house, shopping). I like that :)

Success! Yay!

I wasn’t remotely hungry, but I made a bowl of stir-fried veggies to keep my parents happy. I felt like I was going to explode when I had finished, but it would have been lucky to have been over 100 calories.

I’m going out tomorrow so that will be around 3 hours of walking aimlessly between shops and through the city gardens, plus I’m going just before lunchtime so I’m going to say that I ate a big lunch while I was out and try my hardest to avoid dinner. If I can’t though I’ll just do what I did tonight. 53kgs is so close, so so close. If I keep at it like this I can easily be there by the end of this week.

I had a moment last night when I remembered being stuck at 57kgs and wishing that I was plateaued at 55. Now I keep going back and forth between 54 and 55 and it’s driving me insane. It just shows how I probably will never be happy with my weight.

Oh Shit.

I was just told that we have friends coming over for a ‘casual take-away dinner’. I know that I won’t binge because my mind and willpower is as strong as hell right now, but I was supposed to be fasting today on account that I know I probably can’t on Saturday or Sunday. Also the ‘take-away’ part of it implies that it’s going to be some junky crap which I won’t want to eat, so hopefully I can get out of that and just stir-fry some vegetables and say that I ate a lot after school. This is not how I wanted to start my weekend at all.