PerpetualSlumber

The secret door to my internal struggles. It's a dark battle and it's never going to be won. At least not by me.

Tag: stupid

Ughh

Sitting here eating corn thins after already downing fruit, rice crackers, two muesli bars, two crumpets, a bowl of cereal, digestive biscuits and yoghurt. Why so weak? Why so fat? I could have lasted. I didn’t need to eat.

 

Stupid fat bitch.

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I’m so fucking weak!

This is why I hate myself and this is why I will never be as thin and perfect as I want to be.

I will always be fat, never skinny. I will always have scars, never perfect skin. I will always be weak, never strong because strong isn’t my nature. I’m always weak, always at the bottom, always the one being pushed around by something, always the one suffering. I hate myself.

Why is it always the same three things: starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.

It’s never going to end.

Just kill me

I seem to have put on so much weight over the past two days. I can’t even look at myself. I’m disgusting, fat, weak and gross. Why did I let this happen? Ughhh

And to make matters worse, my hair is falling out everywhere. So I’m fat with rapidly thinning hair. Oh yay!….

If this was tum…

If this was tumblr I would ask for hate mail in my ask box. Since it isn’t feel free to abuse me publicly by commenting. I had to bake some biscuits for my Mum’s girls night in a few days, which I thought I should try. Oh how stupid I was. What a fail of a fast. Off to purge the contents of my stomach…

Beginning to fe…

Beginning to feel upset/angry/annoyed/frustrated as the consequences of my binging weekend are becoming more apparent.

Stupid weak little girl. You didn’t really think that you could eat the amount that you did without having to fast for the entire week afterwards, did you?

Getting back on track

I feel like shit after my weekend away. Food was literally throwing itself at me and with my level of willpower once I started it was next to impossible to stop. I basically binged the entire time :(  I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without feeling sick and repulsed at the sight of my fat and bloated body. Ughhh fdgkjfdhgkjfbggf

The plan for this week is to fast for as long as I can and exercise like a mad woman. If I have to eat because of my parents or because I feel too weak to exercise I’ll stick to water based vegetables and miso soup. Then, this time next week I’ll weigh myself, hoping and praying that I’m either back to where I was or less.

I’m never binging again. I feel so fat and bloated, like a fat bloody whale! I’m gross to touch, look at, even to be in the presence of. Ana, help me :(

The story of my life

The story of my life

:( Story of my life…

Oh my god. I’m…

Oh my god. I’m making a birthday cake for my friends surprise party tomorrow and I’m melting down white chocolate to decorate it with. I had one square because I’ve been so good lately and ughh I feel physically sick. Like I’ve had food poisoning. I need to purge, but I can’t because the house is dead quiet and my mum keeps walking past the bathroom. God help me, I feel like I have the plague!

Fail

Being strong one moment and then binging on corn thins, sultanas and cottage cheese a moment later, and all less than 12 hours before my weigh in. Way to go fatty!

Ughh

I feel so bloated and sick right now. I need an instant laxative that can just get rid of everything from my body. I should not have binged last night. Why was I so stupid?!