PerpetualSlumber

The secret door to my internal struggles. It's a dark battle and it's never going to be won. At least not by me.

Tag: mia

I can’t believe that I just did that…

I hate myself so much right now. I don’t even know what happened. One moment I was being strong and I just had salad and then the next moment I was eating a piece of pizza base with tomato paste on it. I feel so full and fat and ughhhh. I couldn’t purge because the bathroom window opens out to the back and everyone was sitting out there. I’m not having dinner tonight and I might have a piece of fruit tomorrow morning, but other than that I’m fasting. I still can’t believe I just ate that. I ate more in one sitting than I would normally in three days. I’ve probably ruined everything and I feel so bloated and gdgfkjgfkgkdfgkfg

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Ugh my throat h…

Ugh my throat hurts from purging yesterday. I’m determined not to do it again today, but we’ll see how well that works out…

Fat

I feel so fat right now. How is this even possible?! I ate two rivita’s with peanut butter for breakfast, purged my lunch and had 60 calories worth of pumpkin for dinner. I did have a tiny slither of my stepmum’s homemade rye bread though, I couldn’t resist :(  It must be the peanut butter and the bread. Bloody hell. This can’t happen again.

Why so fat?

I went for a jog which I had to cut short because I felt like I was going to pass out and throw up. I then came home to my Dad making lunch and telling me to have something. So I made a salad to be safe. That wasn’t enough for him though was it? So he made me put two vegan sausages in it aswell. After feeling like shit and literally seeing new stomach rolls appear before my eyes I went and purged at least 3/4 of it (I was taking too long in the bathroom and had to stop), but now I feel bloated. What is this?! I just want to be skinny :(

I’m so worried…

I’m so worried about this weekend. I’m going to my Dad’s and my step-mum always bakes bread and sweets and makes the house smell wonderful. Then I have my Grandma’s birthday on Sunday and my whole family cooks everything that they are best at, so there is homemade bread, chocolates, biscuits, slices, cakes, cheeses etc. I’m trying not to purge, but I know that if I eat any of those things I’m going to. Hopefully someone has made salad so I can pick at it and pretend that I’m eating a lot, or even better I have to sit at a table with my little cousins because there isn’t enough room. I’m so scared that my progress is going to go out the window. I’m going to die!

I could really …

I could really use some more followers. Just so I feel like I’m actually being listened to for once. Even if I’m not, it will present the illusion of it. If your blog is similar to mine I’ll follow back and we can support each other :)