PerpetualSlumber

The secret door to my internal struggles. It's a dark battle and it's never going to be won. At least not by me.

Tag: food

Today..

Was a good day :) I did a huge amount of walking, had a small tabbouleh salad for lunch, two corn thins and some stir-fried spicy vegetables for dinner. Now just to keep this up for the next few months!

Food

I hate food. Almost as much as I hate myself.

The constant internal battle…

To eat, or not to eat.

I’m so fucking weak!

This is why I hate myself and this is why I will never be as thin and perfect as I want to be.

I will always be fat, never skinny. I will always have scars, never perfect skin. I will always be weak, never strong because strong isn’t my nature. I’m always weak, always at the bottom, always the one being pushed around by something, always the one suffering. I hate myself.

Why is it always the same three things: starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.

It’s never going to end.

Today…

Is definitely going to be a struggle. My family is coming over for a fathers day lunch :/ I think that I’ll be able to handle it and stay strong with my salad, but I always lose it at events like this.

Ughhhh…. djfbsdkjbfksjdbfkdjfs

My mum made me dinner tonight, there was no way of avoiding it. She’s working tomorrow so there should be no reason to mess up. I just want my bones back :(

Stay Stong…

Don’t cave in. Just make it through tonight and we’ll see what tomorrow brings. Just don’t eat. You can do it! <3

Must.Not.Eat

Must.Not.Eat

These appetite suppressants are god and I’m not remotely hungry, but just as a reminder.

Food Log: 9/08/2012

I ate nothing all day until I got to work and the girls had champagne and cookies out the back. I was light-headed and the champagne didn’t help so I had a cookie, which turned to two, which turned to three and you can probably work out the rest. It only got worse once I got home. I probably consumed at least 1500 calories by the end of my disgusting binge on porridge, muffins, doritos, yoghurt, fruit, tabouli, corn thins and cake. I’ll just have to look at this day as my ‘muck up day’ for the week :(

Fuck food!…

Fuck food!