The secret door to my internal struggles. It's a dark battle and it's never going to be won. At least not by me.

Tag: exercise


Was a good day :) I did a huge amount of walking, had a small tabbouleh salad for lunch, two corn thins and some stir-fried spicy vegetables for dinner. Now just to keep this up for the next few months!

28th August, 2012

I ate nothing today. Just tea and exercise :)

Thigh Gap Exercises

Thigh Gap Exercises



Ahahaha! This is silly, but it made me giggle.

Exercise injuries

I hurt my right leg working out yesterday. It doesn’t feel like I pulled a muscle or stretched tendon, it’s more in the joint and hurts everytime I move it. I’m in pain when I walk, sit, lay down with more of my weight on my right side, and was nearly in tears when I finished my workout last night. I can’t even contemplate doing any decent amount of exercise today, unless the pain goes away. I’m so disappointed in myself.


I feel so gross/sick/fat/bloated. My Nan dropped off this packet of little lindt easter eggs for me. I sat down on my bed with them in front of me staring at them. I don’t really like lindt eggs because they have this creamy stuff inside them which always ends up making me sick, but almost like a robot with no control over myself I proceeded to eat four. Four! Four! FOUR! FUCKING FOUR EGGS! Then because I felt ill from all of the sugar and lactose and gross things in chocolate I went to get something salty so I made vegemite on toast which then resulted in a further binge which I’m too ashamed to post on here. I started to shake for some reason, I’m thinking it was because I don’t usually eat much sugar at all and within the past 24 hours I’ve had more than I would in a week. Anyway, I layed down on my bed and apparently fell asleep because I woke up feeling even sicker an hour later. Now I’m going to go and burn 850 calories because they have to go, and get my sister some dinner. I feel like death. Hopefully I drop dead on my walk. We can only hope.

Trying to find …

Trying to find the energy and motivation to get out of bed and go for a run. You need this run so that you won’t get fat!

Ugh I’m so lazy.

Feeling powerful. Feeling strong.

I burnt 859 calories on my bike ride!! I’m so proud and happy ^.^  I’ve planned my dinner so that I don’t ruin it tonight, because I know that my step-mum will make me eat something. I’m going to make some roast vegetables and maybe some miso soup, depending on how well my willpower is hanging up. I can actually see myself being at 55kgs again by Monday or Tuesday and I’m excited to weigh myself for a change :D


I’m feeling like a fat shit again because I ate a lot for dinner. It was mostly healthy mind you, pumpkin soup, rye bread and homemade hummus, but I had a few mini Easter eggs and 3 lolly snakes. I worked out really hard this morning and burnt 533 calories though (Which is a big workout for me because usually I don’t do any) so I’m definitely under a net calorie of 500 easily, so I suppose it isn’t too bad… Except it’s absolutely terrible because I’m meant to be losing weight not eating enough to keep alive an army….  Anyway, I’m going on a bike ride into town tomorrow morning with my Dad, sister, auntie and cousin which should be good. It’s around 3 hours there and back if I ride at a moderate pace and I tend to race against my sister so that should raise the amount of calories I burn and get rid of today’s damage. I just keep trying to convince myself that my slip up tonight is to prevent me from passing out while bike riding. Last time I rode a bike I did that and ending up crashing into a parked car :/ My Dad is really sporty so that’s a bonus about staying here a little extra. He doesn’t find it weird when I go for a run or workout like my Mum does and he doesn’t have the nerve to tell me to eat when I say that I’m not hungry either. He does however enjoy poking and squeezing certain problem parts of my body like my arms and stomach. I’ve slowly started to like my arms because they’re quite slim with not much muscle tone, making them look fragile. Tonight though, my Dad comes up to me and squeezes them saying, “We’ll have to do something about that”. What must we do?! It was the one thing that I kind of liked about my body and now BOOM! I hate it!  Seriously, once I go back to my Mum’s I’m going to try and fast until school goes back. I’ve developed this great food hiding technique and they have no clue!   No food. I will be thin. God, I hate food!

I want to work …

I want to work out, but I’m scared that if I do it too much I’ll become muscular rather than boney and fragile. I think that I’ll give my pilates DVD a break for three day and just walk/jog and then come back to it.