PerpetualSlumber

The secret door to my internal struggles. It's a dark battle and it's never going to be won. At least not by me.

Tag: eww

FAT.FAT.FAT

I fucking hate my fat. Ughh.

Ughh

Sitting here eating corn thins after already downing fruit, rice crackers, two muesli bars, two crumpets, a bowl of cereal, digestive biscuits and yoghurt. Why so weak? Why so fat? I could have lasted. I didn’t need to eat.

 

Stupid fat bitch.

I’m so fucking weak!

This is why I hate myself and this is why I will never be as thin and perfect as I want to be.

I will always be fat, never skinny. I will always have scars, never perfect skin. I will always be weak, never strong because strong isn’t my nature. I’m always weak, always at the bottom, always the one being pushed around by something, always the one suffering. I hate myself.

Why is it always the same three things: starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut. starve, binge, cut.

It’s never going to end.

Fat.

I don’t think that it’s possible for me to feel any grosser or more disgusted with myself

Having to be out in public when I feel like the size of an elephant is possibly one of the worst feelings

Ughhhh…. djfbsdkjbfksjdbfkdjfs

My mum made me dinner tonight, there was no way of avoiding it. She’s working tomorrow so there should be no reason to mess up. I just want my bones back :(

Food Log: 9/08/2012

I ate nothing all day until I got to work and the girls had champagne and cookies out the back. I was light-headed and the champagne didn’t help so I had a cookie, which turned to two, which turned to three and you can probably work out the rest. It only got worse once I got home. I probably consumed at least 1500 calories by the end of my disgusting binge on porridge, muffins, doritos, yoghurt, fruit, tabouli, corn thins and cake. I’ll just have to look at this day as my ‘muck up day’ for the week :(

Everything is g…

Everything is getting so damn difficult now. I can’t stick to doing anything and my internal strength and willpower is dwindling away. I’m just fat, weak, disturbed, alone and gross, and that’s all that I’ll ever be.

Over it.

I’m so sick of feeling fat and gross all of the time.

Wow, I am 99% s…

Wow, I am 99% sure that I just watched my thighs inflate while I ate peanut butter on some rice crackers. Fucking hell!