PerpetualSlumber

The secret door to my internal struggles. It's a dark battle and it's never going to be won. At least not by me.

Tag: death

Update 23/09/2012

I’m sorry I haven’t posted on here in a while. Things have been pretty shit recently, in terms of my entire existence. I’m struggling to push through every single day and haven’t been able to fathom doing anything apart from sitting in bed or sleeping.

I’m selfish, I’m cruel, I’m alone and I’m better off dead.

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Snow White

I want to be like Snow White, asleep forever, but with no Prince Charming to wake me. Frozen in time, like a pale, fragile and perfect angel.

Hate!

I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, you!

I wish that I could just die already.

Why?

Why does the thought of over-dosing keep crossing my mind?

Wow

I’m in the absolute worst mood tonight. I’m sick of everything. Sick of my family. Sick of feeling alone. Sick of school. Sick of living at home. Sick of my lack of a sex life. Sick of having no job. Sick of having no money. Sick of the way that I look. Sick of feeling fat. Sick of my bones not sticking out how I would like them to. Sick of the fact that I need to eat a little bit to stay alive. Sick of my Mum buying/making me food. Sick of breathing. Sick of blinking. Sick of being awake. Sick of leaving my bedroom. Sick of getting out of bed. Sick of waking up every morning. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up until I’m thin and everyone in my life has long since died. I need to move out. I need to get away from everything, everyone, life. I just want to die.

Bleh!

I feel so gross/sick/fat/bloated. My Nan dropped off this packet of little lindt easter eggs for me. I sat down on my bed with them in front of me staring at them. I don’t really like lindt eggs because they have this creamy stuff inside them which always ends up making me sick, but almost like a robot with no control over myself I proceeded to eat four. Four! Four! FOUR! FUCKING FOUR EGGS! Then because I felt ill from all of the sugar and lactose and gross things in chocolate I went to get something salty so I made vegemite on toast which then resulted in a further binge which I’m too ashamed to post on here. I started to shake for some reason, I’m thinking it was because I don’t usually eat much sugar at all and within the past 24 hours I’ve had more than I would in a week. Anyway, I layed down on my bed and apparently fell asleep because I woke up feeling even sicker an hour later. Now I’m going to go and burn 850 calories because they have to go, and get my sister some dinner. I feel like death. Hopefully I drop dead on my walk. We can only hope.