My day consisted of binging and purging, a little bit of homework, followed by more binging and purging. I’m so weak!
I told myself that I wouldn’t eat anything today….and then I eat a carrot. I told myself that I would stop there and not fall into a binge…..then I proceed to eat everything in sight; fruit, grilled mushrooms, grilled cheese sandwich, avocado and vegemite sandwich, peanut butter, corn thins, a muesli bar, an apple muffin, dark chocolate, ritz crackers. I told myself that I would keep it down because I need to stop purging so often……and then I vomit everything that I just ate, plus what felt like my entire digestive tract.
Usually it stops there, but not this bloody time. After I did an hour or two of homework I sat in my room telling my stomach to shut up and myself that I wasn’t hungry……….but then I proceeded to make myself a bowl of oatmeal, a mandarin, corn thins and hummus, a packet of veggie chips and four pieces of fruit cake. After that I didn’t even bother trying to convince myself not to purge because I knew that whether I wanted to or not, it was going to happen. I hate this.