by Perpetual Slumber

I’m feeling like a fat shit again because I ate a lot for dinner. It was mostly healthy mind you, pumpkin soup, rye bread and homemade hummus, but I had a few mini Easter eggs and 3 lolly snakes. I worked out really hard this morning and burnt 533 calories though (Which is a big workout for me because usually I don’t do any) so I’m definitely under a net calorie of 500 easily, so I suppose it isn’t too bad… Except it’s absolutely terrible because I’m meant to be losing weight not eating enough to keep alive an army….  Anyway, I’m going on a bike ride into town tomorrow morning with my Dad, sister, auntie and cousin which should be good. It’s around 3 hours there and back if I ride at a moderate pace and I tend to race against my sister so that should raise the amount of calories I burn and get rid of today’s damage. I just keep trying to convince myself that my slip up tonight is to prevent me from passing out while bike riding. Last time I rode a bike I did that and ending up crashing into a parked car :/ My Dad is really sporty so that’s a bonus about staying here a little extra. He doesn’t find it weird when I go for a run or workout like my Mum does and he doesn’t have the nerve to tell me to eat when I say that I’m not hungry either. He does however enjoy poking and squeezing certain problem parts of my body like my arms and stomach. I’ve slowly started to like my arms because they’re quite slim with not much muscle tone, making them look fragile. Tonight though, my Dad comes up to me and squeezes them saying, “We’ll have to do something about that”. What must we do?! It was the one thing that I kind of liked about my body and now BOOM! I hate it!  Seriously, once I go back to my Mum’s I’m going to try and fast until school goes back. I’ve developed this great food hiding technique and they have no clue!   No food. I will be thin. God, I hate food!