PerpetualSlumber

The secret door to my internal struggles. It's a dark battle and it's never going to be won. At least not by me.

Month: April, 2012

Wow

I’m in the absolute worst mood tonight. I’m sick of everything. Sick of my family. Sick of feeling alone. Sick of school. Sick of living at home. Sick of my lack of a sex life. Sick of having no job. Sick of having no money. Sick of the way that I look. Sick of feeling fat. Sick of my bones not sticking out how I would like them to. Sick of the fact that I need to eat a little bit to stay alive. Sick of my Mum buying/making me food. Sick of breathing. Sick of blinking. Sick of being awake. Sick of leaving my bedroom. Sick of getting out of bed. Sick of waking up every morning. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up until I’m thin and everyone in my life has long since died. I need to move out. I need to get away from everything, everyone, life. I just want to die.

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Why

Why

Ribs

Ribs

Girl

Girl

Hip bones

Hip bones

This is shit..

When you realise that you have developed a little crush on a guy who wouldn’t think twice about you. Well this shall be fun…

Tattoos

Tattoos

Tiny

Tiny

Ribs

Ribs

I had this new …

I had this new idea that if I ate three times a day, but really small and low calorie meals, I would be able to prevent myself from binging and then lose more weight in the process. Tonight is clear proof that my idea is shit and doesn’t work. I binged terribly on fucking honey roasted macadamia nuts and homemade rye bread. The worst thing is that the reason I started doing it was because I thought in my head, “It’s OK, you can afford to have one and then still be under your limit” The problem is that once I start I hardly ever can stop. You can’t afford to have one. You can’t afford to have any you stupid, fat, dumb, ugly girl. Back to eating next to nothing and fasting for days on end you go.

New plan: Don’t eat unless you’re with people and they are suspicious, or you feel like you are about to keel over and die.