The secret door to my internal struggles. It's a dark battle and it's never going to be won. At least not by me.

Feeling fat, he…

Feeling fat, heavy and bloated. I honestly don’t remember the last time that I looked in the mirror and felt this fat. Yay for shitty feelings!

I’m going to try pulling a fast tomorrow(Thursday) and Friday until dinner, because we have people coming over and I’m making warm spinach salad. I’m defnitely going to set aside time to go for the longest walk of my life because I’ve eaten so much crap tonight and yesterday and I have to see a smaller number on the scales than I did last week.



For some reason…

For some reason, once it hits 9pm I seem to be flooded with depressing feelings. I could be high as a kite and happy as anything, but once it hits 9 I just want to curl up into a ball and cry. Also I made mini apple pies for my families dessert and completely caved and had one :( It was only just bigger than bite size, but it was still pastry. My gag reflex also seems to be failing me at the moment, making it almost impossible to purge. I had nearly my entire fist down my throat and nothing happened. This is not good.


I’m doing quit…

I’m doing quite well today and feeling positive :) I had two scrambled egg whites for breakfast, went for a 50 minute walk and made a salad for lunch. AND I’m still in the negatives for my net intake. If I can fight the late night munchies tonight, today will have been brilliant!